Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Reflections on the Past Year and Thoughts on the Year to Follow

As my first year here in Mongolia comes to an end, I can’t help but think about the year that has been and the year that will be. I reflect on what I have accomplished, what I still want to do, and what I could have done better. It is so difficult when people ask me how my service has been thus far. I want to jumble up 100 different ideas. It’s been interesting to say the least; I have conquered a language, I have faced fears, I have been sad and happy and lonely and excited and disappointed. It seems impossible to describe my year in Mongolia. The time went by quickly enough and when I think back on details, on certain events I realize how long the year has been and how much I have done. English Club, Advance English Club, Teachers English Class, teaching 4th and 5th grade, gave a time management seminar, taught the bank workers, gave a safe sex seminar, drama club and started a school dormitory project, all the while trying to integrate into my community and new culture. Not bad for the first year!


Yet I can’t help but think I should have accomplished more. It is a good thing Peace Corps is two years instead of just one. Next year, I would like to continue the clubs and classes as well as work on more community projects. As to what they will be, it depends greatly on my school director and, of course, my community! Ideally I would like to start a green house project. I am starting to realize that whenever I am about to begin something, I become so overwhelmed. Like the task at hand is impossible; there is just too much to do. But I have also realized that the more I challenge myself, the better I become at facing challenges. And the hardest part is realizing the possibility of failure. There have been times when I didn’t want to do a project or class because I felt like I would simply do a bad job! It is something I truly regret doing this past year. I would like to change that about myself. I would like to have the courage to fail. It sounds strange when I say it that way. Why would someone need courage to fail? Yet, failing is so hurtful to your pride! You want to be great, at everything. And in order for that to be true, you need to be selective as to what you do. This next year, I hope I may face failure head on and be ok with it. Or even better, learn from it!


So overall, I am content with my first year in Mongolia and with the upcoming year, I hope to let go of this idea of perfection; whatever that may be.