Gantsara

There are some words in Mongolia that sound like another language. One of these words is 'gantsara' meaning 'alone'. When I first heard this word it reminded me of a Spanish name and I pictured a tan Spanish woman with a long black braid and a white lace shirt. However, now that name takes on a whole different feeling. As a general rule, Mongolians usually don't live alone. They mostly live with family and then few live with friends. This has to do with the hundred of years of herding together with their families. Also, living in a ger is hard work and having more than one person to share the burden makes things easier.

When Mongolians hear that I am living alone, I find their reaction very amusing. They usually respond with a concerned “Tiim yy??!” (Oh really?!). The men, usually shake their heads and say living alone is difficult and I shouldn't be living alone. Some women say this too, however I have also found that more women understand when I say I enjoy living alone. One woman said “Yes, I lived alone too once, and...” she pauses, looks at her husband, then says “I am sorry my husband but I REALLY enjoyed living alone!” She looks at me and laughs. There is a connection with women about living alone. Maybe it is because they feel the burden of having a family a bit more than the men do.

The truth is I really do enjoy living alone. I find that my apartment has become my escape from the outside world where it feels like everything I do is being watched. In fact a lot of volunteers feel this way. We are “gadaa hun”, outside people or outsiders. No matter how many buutz I eat or vodka I drink ( don't worry ima I don't drink a lot!) or Mongolian songs I sing, I will always be an outsider here. Which is fine and dandy but I can only handle so many stares in a day! When I come to my apartment, there is no one there to whisper about me or comment on my actions. Phew what a relief!

What I find interesting is the difference in which Americans and Mongolians view the idea of living alone. In Mongolia, people view this as boring and lonely. I always get asked if I am bored at home. I laugh at this idea since I look forward to my time alone! I can read for as long as I like, watch movies and just sit and think without being bothered. In America, we view living alone as a high state of independence. If you say you live with your family or friends, its usually not a big deal, until you get to a certain age! Imagine a 36 year old man saying he lives with his mother and sister. We would think it odd; does he have a job? Maybe his mother needs help. Maybe his sisters are very young. But in Mongolia they find a person living alone odd. Do they have family? Are they antisocial? Do they have friends?

So now I can understand their reaction and concern when I tell them I live 'gantsara'. And I no longer envision an exotic Spanish woman when I hear the word but instead have the feeling of cultural difference; while I feel independent and relieved to be alone, Mongolians see it as lonesome and difficult. It's a huge indication from the cultures we come from.